laze in clean lie

You wake up, get on with the daily chores, you sleep. Then along different tasks in your daily dilemmas, you get to meet new people. It has been stated that it only takes approximately seven seconds for your brain to decide if it is interested in a certain person or not. You do not always just fall then and there but you are certain that you would surely enjoy having a laugh or two with them. So you wait, you plan, and you submit to the hormone that is dopamine. Suddenly you know what you want and are ready to do whatever it takes to get a grab of that trophy. More or less you are in love, not with the person, but with the rush.

If you are lucky, the other person's brain's jurisdiction will match yours, and then you two will spend sleepless nights on the phone. Midnight conversations turn into meet ups where you get to talk about the stupidest thing your head can come up with, not because you are out of new and interesting stories but also because you are out of new and interesting stories. No sweat though, you know each other too well that you can even act like the dumbest person on the planet and none of you would care less. Soon enough your skin will feel comfortable with hers.

And then you wake up one day, feeling indifferent. It could be her, it could be you, but it is apparent that the same old things that kept you hooked for the longest time don't seem that appealing anymore. In management, it has been discussed that there are three stages of a project: birth, growth, and peak. Birth was when you met her, growth was when you have spent countless days together, peak was when the world was yours and hers for the taking. But you failed to be innovative, both of you, so you're at a decline. And what's worse is that you did not realize it, not until it's too late.

You wake up, get on with the daily chores, you sleep. Then among different tasks in your daily dilemmas, you think about her. The what-if's and the last-time-I-was-here's kill you. Nonsensical thoughts flood your mind, paranoia creeps in more often than not, you will lose sight of what you want and who you are, nothing will seem so important anymore. Letting go is hard, moving on is hard, but what's worst is that you wake up each day feeling worse about yourself because you are stuck with this keeping-up-with-life chore and the only escape you have is sleep. Science dictates that a person can only be truly sad about something in seven minutes or less, and that it only takes 21 days to break a habit. So how can a failed relationship, which was in no way perfect, screw you for a very long time?

It doesn't matter anyway, you will get out and try to pursue her again. Just not with the same vigor nor energy but with pathetic words and hopeless ways. And then that day came, she agreed to talk to you face to face. Is that a good idea? Maybe. But do you really get the closure that we want? You are programmed to always want more than what you have, so how exactly can words assure you that you will feel better about yourself after having the talk? In order to gain inner peace, you have to practice conformity with what you have, not be compelled by it because of its absence.

So you messed up. You are at the worst state of your life yet you tried to exert effort more than you should have. Nothing breaks you more than trying to claim a prize with nothing but a sorry excuse of how you could have done and will do more.

And then you realize that regrets will never amount to anything, let alone win her back.

In order to win a war, you have to know your battles.